Now You Can Obsess About the State of Your Garage Door from Anywhere on the Planet [Homemod]

You're already 20 minutes late for work and you're panicking, only remembering the coffee on your roof as you pull out of the driveway. Two blocks later, it hits you—Did I remember to close the garage? This new garage door opener lets you check without circling back.

The AssureLink Garage Door Opener by Craftsman works like a normal garage door opener, using either a chain or belt driven system. The difference is that you can monitor and control the door from virtually any device with an internet connection. After installing the opener itself, you connect the AssureLink Gateway to your router, register and activate an AssureLink account (which costs $20/year after the honeymoon year—hey, obsession's costly), and download the control app to your device. You'll then be able to check the Up or Down status of the door and activate it remotely if the mood strikes.

To prevent tomfoolery and accidental crushings, the system is also equipped with lights and an audible warning whenever the door is closed remotely, as well as IR and contact sensors that automatically lift the door if triggered.

The chain-driven version will retail for $290 and the belt-driven will go for $330 when they're released later this Fall. My only question is, what happens when you pocket dial you garage door? [Craftsman]

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Artificial Volcano to Help Cool the Planet. What? [Science]

Here's the plan: A giant garden hose 12.4 miles long, tethered to a ship and attached to a 650-foot (about two football fields) balloon, which will pump out hundreds of tons of chemical particles into the stratosphere to mimic a volcano.

Why? Because even though a volcano is hot, the volcanic ash reflects sunlight. Scientists want to mimic that action to combat increasing global temperatures.

So researchers in the United Kingdom are testing out their theory in October with a smaller scale device that will just pump out water at a lower altitude. They say it won't change the weather but will be proof of their concept.

One of the scientists, Oxford's Hugh Hunt, is excited about the hose. "The nice thing about it is that we can really have a knob, if you like, which we can control to adjust the rate at which we inject these particles."

Quite nice indeed!

But not everyone thinks so. Some environmentalists say it's "harebrained."

"This is a huge waste of time and money and shows the UK government's disregard for UN processes. It is the first step in readying the hardware to inject particles into the stratosphere. It has no other purpose and it should not be allowed to go ahead," Pat Mooney, chair of ETC Group in Canada, told The Guardian.

The scheme doesn't address the increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, which some say is a bigger problem than the rising temperature, because excess carbon dioxide increases ocean acidity.

Sir Martin Rees, the former president of Royal Society (which is funding the work with a $2.6 million grant), strongly supports the balloon approach as a plan B to reducing greenhouse gas emissions.

If it works, awesome, because it's pretty clear that changing human behavior is even harder than building a giant balloon attached to a miles-long hose contraption.

[The Guardian via PhysOrg; Image: Shutterstock/Pavel Svoboda]

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Iridium's Newest Satellite Gear Gives You WiFi Across the Entire Planet [Phones]

If you think your phone's data connection is shitty at home, just imagine being in the middle of the wilderness. Or on a mountain. Or the ocean. Iridium's new super-rugged handset and access point sucks satellite signal everywhere you go.

Let's say you're in the middle of a glacier. Or, maybe more realistically, a national park. Or really anywhere on this wide planet of ours that doesn't get mobile reception. You probably want to check your email or do a little web browsing, eh? Tough shit! There's no signal, and certainly no WiFi. So make your own WiFi.

The Iridium Extreme handset is water resistant, dust proof, ruggedized against drops and shocks, and, of course, connects to Iridium's global satellite network for voice, SMS, and GPS action. So that's great if you need a rugged satellite phone. Add in the Iridium AxCess Point (x-treme spelling!), a medium size USB-connectable black box and you've got a satellite-powered WiFi hotspot, anywhere on Earth.

Now admittedly, it's slow—28 Kbps. Like, early 90s speeds. A far, far, far reach from 3G, or even EDGE. But it'd be enough for email and light, slow browsing. Or checking out some photos if you have the patience of a Zen master.

So it's slow, expensive, and not exactly compact—but for those who traverse the various jungles, crags, peaks, ravines, and seas of the world, it could save a life. Or help you blog a little! [Iridium]

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This Week's Top Web Comedy Video: Don Cheadle Is Captain Planet [Video]

Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna take pollution down to zero, and then go on a massive killing spree. That's how the theme song goes, isn't it? If not, Don Cheadle just proved that it really should've.

Also featuring Community's Gillian Jacobs, an all-too-convincing Wheeler, and lots and lots of innocent people being turned into foliage. Full video:

The rest of this week's top comedy videos, including a closet Christina Ricci interview, a couple of drunks, and a neverending array of meat, can be found over at Splitsider.

Other highlights from the week in comedy:

-We watched the over-the-top Big Lebowski porn parody.

-We looked at the arc of George Carlin's standup career.

-Outgoing UCB Theatre Artistic Director Anthony King gave some advice that he picked up over the six years he worked there.

-We looked at eight memorable political campaigns by comedians.

-We looked at the SNL contributions of Jim Breuer.

-We made a wishlist of 19 comedy podcasts that really should exist.

-We chronicled the insanity that is the Del Close Marathon.

-Alex Blagg complained that your comedy is so much cooler than his.

-We gave advice on how to become a Twitter superstar.

-We looked at the lost roles of Richard Pryor.

-We checked in with the cast of The Weird Al Show.

Splitsider is a website about comedy and the people who create it. It covers movies, TV shows, web videos, books and any other format that exists to make you laugh.

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